Monday, March 22, 2010

Why is the Grass Greener?

Oh how I wish I could be doing something else.
I sort of feel like that is how my entire life is spent. I guess you could say that I'm a "grass is greener" type of personality. I always feel like something else would be WAY better than what I have right now. I'm always wishing the present away. With one GIGANTIC exception...my family (I wish my kids would stay babies forever!!!)
Even right now.
I have been feeling pretty bummed lately that I have to go to work every weekday. After the arrival of SweetPea and my proceeding 9 week long maternity leave, I just never really got back into work mode. I used to feel important at work and longed for those adult conversations. I enjoyed putting in the extra hours because I was building my resume, right? I was told a few weeks ago, yet again, that a promotion just isn't in the cards this year "but we know that you make great contributions and are such a valued employee" - yeah, so valued you can't seem to find it in the budget to keep me around.
A really BIG part of me wants to say "the heck with it all, I'm going to be a stay-at-home mama." But that small (and responsible) other part of me likes having food on the table and clothing and not being turned over to collections when I can't pay my credit card bill. We are a one income household as of right now and I'm making the bacon and fryin' it too.
Today my "grass is greener" moment came when I was talking to one of my work friends. We were chatting about this and that and I heard myself say that I wouldn't mind moving to a different city if the husband could get a job there. I heard myself say that, and I felt a pull on my roots. Just a tiny tug then, but now as the day has gone by I'm feeling a much harder yank.
I want to go somewhere different! I also realized that this is the longest town I've lived in during my adult life, and the house that I live in now has been the longest dwelling of mine since I moved from my parents home. Most people would find that comforting and enjoy the fact that they are putting down roots...it makes me feel a little claustrophobic! I feel like my time is wasting. If I don't go out and have a good adventure again soon I'm going to be rooted to this ground forever! Granted, this adventure would have to include the kids and husband, but what better companions than the ones I love so dearly?
Now as I write about it, it's definitely another "grass is greener" scenario. Perhaps moving somewhere else would just make some other lawn look brighter. Maybe I need to work on my own landscaping? All I know for sure is that right now, my lawn is looking pretty brown.

1 comment:

molly said...

i hear you on SO many levels. i often feel greener grass lays beyond me... out there. but it usually means i do both: change my immediate landscape and start mowing another lawn completely. how's that for metaphor city?!
go with the feeling...whatever it may be!

(the word verification below is "nonder"-- maybe another word for what we're feeling, or where we should go)